Chef has her own ideas about fundraising, of course. She suggests we host a poker tournament and let BPI keep the rake. The Professor of Astrology Janitor objected, noting we already have a rake, which he uses to keep the grounds around the BPI Squirrel's tree nicely groomed. Chef said she meant an entirely different kind of rake: the 5-10% fee casinos usually add to the tournament buy-in and keep to pay their overhead and profits. The Professor of Astrology Janitor insisted that kind of rake would not help keep the BPI Squirrel's lawn clean. Chef insisted she was thinking about fundraising, and wasn't thinking about the BPI Squirrel at all.
Oh dear.
The BPI Squirrel was listening to all of this through his Blewberry. (Your lowly mail room clerk was sure Pootie the Precious had pushed the end-call button. Oops.) Needless to say, the BPI Squirrel stomped in - we hadn't realized squirrels could stomp - and the argument began to escalate, calmed only when the Professor of Astrology Janitor offered the BPI Squirrel a glass of wine. Chef is now in the kitchen preparing a Nutty Breakfast Parfait to apologize. At least now we can review the mail....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Hey, congrats on a whole year in the new hood! I have my hand out so you can slide me some skin, but you can't see that because I'm writing. But anyway, I'm just writing to say I had nothing to do with that slide show my office put out about fundraising. Nothing. It wasn't me. It was them. Are we cool?
Michael in MD
Dear Michael,
We hope you realize the Cool Dude From Da Hood act is wearing thin. In fact, it was wearing thin when you started it over a year ago. But yes, we got the message that you had nothing to do with that absurd slide show laying out fundraising ideas for your organization.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Absurd? Well, I wouldn't go that far. It was fun. It's right there on Slide #2: "Putting the 'fun' back in FUNdraising." Too many people think Republicans are all bitter and angry and mean. We're really a fun bunch of buys, and that's what we're pushing this year. We like to joke, see?
Michael in MD
Dear Michael,
We can only quote the wisdom of comedienne Ellen DeGeneres: "If you're joking, you're not doing it right. If you were, we'd both be laughing."
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Ouch. That's cold. Okay, so maybe you had to be there to get the jokes. But really, Nancy Pelosi as Cruella DeVille? Harry Reid as Scooby Doo? You don't see the humor? We have a lot of ideas for that. A cartoon series. Maybe even an animated movie. We're thinking big here. Really big.
Michael in MD
Dear Michael,
So when you suggested politics was an insider's club - "Membership and its Privileges" - and called your grassroots supporters "reactionary" on Slide #5, and offered "Save the country from trending toward Socialism" as your party's selling point on Slide #6, and portrayed the President of the United States in reverse black-face on Slide #7 under the title "The Evil Empire," that was all just joking around?
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Umm. Uhh. Like I said, I had nothing to do with any of that. Nothing. That was the people in my office, not me. So are we cool?
Michael in MD
Dear Michael,
Indeed. We are past "cool" and well into "chilly."
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
Umm ... I hope the BPI Squirrel didn't get too cranky. I like him, but he's a bit prickly sometimes. On the other hand, that Nutty Breakfast Parfait sounds interesting. Can I have the recipe?
Squirreling Away Breakfast Ideas in Blogistan
Dear Oh Dear,
You had to use that signature? Sigh. Now he's upset again. The only saving grace is that Chef is almost done, so soon he'll be sated with this delicious breakfast treat:
Mix 1½ cups rolled oats and ½ cup coarsely chopped walnuts in a 9x13 baking pan. Combine ¼ cup maple syrup and 2 teaspoons of butter in a saucepan and bring to a boil, then pour over the oat mixture and stir to blend well. Bake at 375°F for 18 minutes, stirring occasionally, until the granola is golden brown. Cool completely in the pan.
Gently toss 2 cups sliced strawberries, 2 cups peeled and thinly-sliced peaches, 1 cup blueberries, and 1 cup peeled and cubed kiwi fruit in a mixing bowl to blend. Divide half of the fruit into 6 parfait or wine glasses. Crumble half the granola over the fruit, then divide 1 cup of non-fat yogurt over the granola. Repeat the layers in each glass with the remaining fruit and granola, and another cup of yogurt. Serve immediately.
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Hey Mail Lady,
Let people know the blueberries that go in this stuff are not my Blewberry, okay? Oh, and this is good. You must try it. Chef is the best. Gotta go. My turn to deal.
The BPI Squirrel
Dear BPI Squirrel,
We're sure our readers had not confused blueberries with your Blewberry, but thank you for the clarification. Bon appétit!
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Happy Sunday!
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Sources:
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