On the other hand, Professor Plum might not have seen the mail this week. He might have been watching the staff poker game, which has taken an odd turn. On Wednesday, the BPI Squirrel unwittingly touched off an argument between the Professor of Astrology Janitor and the Janitor Professor of Astrology. That upset lingers, so both of him demanded to play separately. That might seem like an unfair advantage and a violation of the "one player one hand" rule in poker. But as the two of him still aren't speaking, Chef decided to let it go. Sadly, that created a problem when the Professor of Astrology Janitor folded two pair to a very clever bluff by the Janitor Professor of Astrology. Worse, the Janitor Professor of Astrology turned over his cards to show that he'd bluffed.
To no one's surprise, the Professor of Astrology Janitor began his plaintive mewling, and that sent Chef scurrying to the kitchen to make Breakfast Banana Splits. Which gave your lowly mail room clerk time to sort through this week's correspondence....
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm writing to defend my work with the Texas State Board of Education. We're trying to revolutionize the public school curriculum and teach our children about the amazing successes of conservative government. High school students should not have to write essays about how the Declaration of Independence spurred revolutions across Europe and Central and South America. That's why we've replaced the writings of Thomas Jefferson with those of Thomas Aquinas. Students need to learn respect for conservative government, not radical ideas.
Cynthia in TX
Dear Cynthia,
We must admit we're confused. You're trying to revolutionize the public school curriculum in Texas by omitting a discussion of our and others' revolutions? Please keep us posted. We look forward to hearing that your science curriculum teaches that the sun merely reflects the light radiated by American conservatives.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm writing to complain about the Tea Party movement. They aren't religious and don't talk enough about gays and abortion. As the Director of Issue Analysis for the American Family Association, I'm concerned by a conservative group that doesn't make religion the central focus of American politics. They need to insist that candidates believe in the sanctity of life and the sanctity of marriage.
Bryan in ID
Dear Bryan,
We think your concern would be more convincing had you not promoted the Tea Party movement on your website, and been a leading speaker at their rally last April. Seen in that light, your concern seems more a case of recognition that you are losing a power struggle within the conservative movement. But don't give up. We encourage heated ideological infighting among Republicans.
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I'm not going to live under socialism. If the Democrats pass health care reform, I'm moving to Costa Rica. That would be a disaster, as this nation is only held together by the gravitational force of my excellence. Save America! Stop health care reform!
Rush in FL
Dear Rush,
If we heard you correctly, and we try not to hear you at all, you plan to move to a country that already has a government health care system open to all citizens and legal residents, to protest health care reform here in the U.S. This after you praised our health care system when you had a heart attack in Hawaii, until you learned that you were treated by their government health care system. We think this raises a question: Do all of the voices in your head talk at once, or do they politely take turns?
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Dear Ms. Crissie,
I tried to follow the points in the other letters but I gave up. (Or I didn't. Or I did. I'm not even sure.) I just know that a Breakfast Banana Split sounds yummy, or I would if I knew what's in it. So what's in it?
Hungry (Or Not) in Blogistan
Dear Hungry (Or Not),
Please don't feel bad. We were confused as well. However, we have no doubt that you will enjoy a Breakfast Banana Split. First stir 1 cup of unsweetened frozen blueberries, ½ teaspoon of sugar, and 1 tablespoon of water together in a sauce pan and bring to a boil over medium-high heat. Reduce the heat and let it simmer for five minutes, until the fruit sauce thickens. Meanwhile, lightly toast ¼ cup of chopped walnuts in a dry, skillet over medium heat for about four minutes. Then slice a banana in half lengthwise, place it in a bowl, spoon on 4 ounces of non-fat vanilla yogurt, and top with the blueberry sauce and walnuts. Bon appétit!
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Happy Sunday!
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Sources:
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